Dear Readers, Please keep in mind I am on a journey as I travel through life. I try to keep my eyes open and naturally my perspective will change with my varying vantage points and my reflection on experiences. That’s why I blog: to process my thoughts. I don’t write as a spokesperson for any organization or person other than myself. Like most people, I have an interior idealized image of myself — and this is sometimes a guide, sometimes an illusion, sometimes a marker with which I compare who I am in this moment. I also have a growing awareness of who I am in Christ. And I try to be very current with who I am in terms of my manifestation of all that I am.

Through writing I try to be as aware and as honest with myself as I possibly can. So there will be “inconsistencies” in what I say from time to time. I wrestle with ideas, feelings, perspectives, choices. I tend to think this is a good thing. Sometimes I get stuck in a rut. Sometimes that “rut” is a deep canyon of grief, or the cavern of depression. Sometimes I get stuck in the quagmire of unprocessed anger. Once in a while I even get “stuck” or more like lost in the desert of asceticism.

I’m learning to be gentle with myself even in seeing how prone I am to getting stuck. I find that being patient with myself, I tend to heal more deeply. When I push myself out of a stuck-state too aggressively, I often need to re-visit the inner process that led me to the murk or the dark or the desert of my soul’s terrain. I’m learning to allow myself my own rhythms. I realize this is a type of luxury many can’t afford. I am very grateful I can allow myself to enjoy this gift of self-patience, acceptance, trust, at this time.

Je ne regrette rien


I’m listening to Edith Piaf’s album “je ne regrette rien” as I write this blog-post.  This 2-cd set has 45 songs.  So far I really like 3: “Non, je ne regrette rien”, “La foule”, and “La Goualante du pauvre Jean”.  Piaf’s voice is so intense, so French.  Sometimes she’s a little too much even for me!  But I love how she immediately transports me to old France.

I’m not sure when I first fell in love with France.  It must have been before the time I can remember anything distinctly.  It must have been through my Dad’s story-telling of his travels and his French-language lessons for us children.  Those lessons weren’t all that successful in actually teaching us to speak French, but they effected the magic of birthing a little girl’s imagination that the world is hers, and that France in particular could be her home.

I’ve been to France only twice, the first time for nearly a week in the summer of 1983, the second time for two weeks in the spring of 1990.  But I’ve been there in my heart nearly my whole life through music, whether children’s folk songs taught to me by my parents or piano music by Chopin, Debussy, Ravel, or via the French renditions of many great female vocalists (whether French or not themselves) such as Ella Fitzgerald, Edith Piaf, Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone, Eartha Kitt, Etta Jones, and more.

More tracks from Piaf’s 2-cd set of her greatest hits I find enchanting:

  • “J’m’en fous pas mal”
  • “Les trois cloches”
  • “C’est l’amour”

Warning: much of Piaf’s music will break your heart!  But c’est la vie, c’est l’amour!



They won!

The Chicago Cubs and Cleveland Indians are playing in the World Series.  I’m watching the 7th game.  It’s tied 6-6 and they are just getting ready to start the 10th inning.  It’s raining and the grounds crew has brought out the tarp to cover the diamond.  I guess they are expecting worse weather.

They are playing in Cleveland at Progressive Field.  I’m surprised they can plan in rain at all when the ball and bat need traction.  Joe Buck has been announcing with John Smoltz.  I wonder how long a rain delay lasts before they resume or cancel.  It looks like they are packing up the tarp already.  Not a very long rain delay.

The newscasters seem to be implying the Cubs don’t have as many strong pitchers.  Sounds like Cubs have two and the Indians have three or four.  By having this rain delay, the players have a chance to get refreshments.  But it also breaks up their momentum/ rhythm.  It looks like most of these players chew — either tobacco or gum.  And they all spit!  Some through their mouth only, some through mouth and nose!!!

Top of the 10th, Cubs have a hit with man on base (1st).  Rizzo (Anthony?) up to bat.  Man on 2nd.  They walked him on purpose!  I guess they knew he might get a hit!  Whoo-hoo!!! ___ (?) got a hit and men on bases ran, got 1 guy in.  So Cubs 7 and Indians 6!  Another hit!  Another man in!  And 3 on base!  Cubs 8 to Indians 6!  Yes!  The Indians have put Bauer (Trevor?) in to pitch.  2 out of 3 on base.  Javier (Baez?) up to bat.  Baezl (???) struck out. 😦

Who will the Cubs put on the mound?  Edwards.  Boy he looks young, and small!  He struck out Napoli!  And they got Ramirez (?) out at 1st!  Rajai (Davis) is up!  The guys who hit a home run in the 8th.  Ah crud, he got another hit so the guy on 2nd came in.

Cubs are putting in Mike Montgomery to pitch.  Gee I can’t imagine the pressure!  It’s Cubs 8, Indians 7 with 2 out, but a man on base (2nd? or 3rd?) TOO CLOSE!

Michael Martinez up to bat.

Ernie Banks.  Mr. Banks was mentioned…

The Cubs won!  The Cubs WON!  Whoo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The above is from my hand-written notes while watching this epic game November 2, 2016.  I’m not a sports’ fan, and I don’t know much about baseball.  As you can see, I don’t know the names of the players, and when I started watching the game I didn’t realize what a historic event it would be.  However, I am fond of the Cubs because I am fond of several people who are life-long avid fans of the Cubs, win or lose, mostly lose.  But this time they won!  They won!  It was SO exciting.

Here’s a better play-by-play for the true sportsfan.