I’m listening to Dave Brubeck’s CD "Take Five" while I brew a pot of coffee and write this blog. This is one of those days when it’s a lovely day, things are going well, getting lots done, spent some quality time w/ a friend, and w/ my husband, wrote a letter, and still… I feel that deep inner loneliness that I know only God can fill. My experience has been however that God doesn’t choose to FILL His Space!!! My Lord seems to enjoy a roomy, uncluttered chamber! When I conjure up a visual image for Jesus snuggled up in my heart, I see this large open wooden-floored ball-room-like salon with grand floor-to-ceiling windows looking out onto a lovely half-wild garden. The room itself just has one piece of furniture, a large inviting couch. There’s a rug on the floor in front of it w/ a few floor pillows. Christ is resting on the couch! Sometimes He’s sleeping, sometimes I find Him waiting for me to join Him. Sometimes we sit on the couch together; sometimes I sit at His feet. Sometimes we walk and talk intimately in the room gazing out the windows; sometimes we go out into the garden and just enjoy Being together!
Usually, when I feel this Holy Loneliness I first feel it as a hunger, and then an ache. As I let go of all other longings and simply enter into my empty room w/ Christ, I begin to feel the sweetness of the pull to attend… Attend to Christ’s quiet voice? I’m not really sure how to describe what I feel. I’ve heard others try to describe how it is for them. There are always similarities, but I’m sure our words are always inadequate however similar or dissimilar our actual experience.
Well, it’s time for me to let go of this too! Jesus is calling! 🙂